Ever since people started buying in plastic bottles what comes out of the tap for little or nothing, I’ve been skeptical.
Little did I know, there was an enemy lurking somewhere in the H20.
I’m not a huge consumer of water. When I see people that walk around with these enormous jugs and try to consume it all throughout the day, I wonder how they get anything done, since they’ve got to be in the restroom half the time.
I’m a fickle consumer of beverages. There are beverages that I like, and they have flavor. I’ve never been one to attempt to drown myself for the sake of getting that gallon of water consumed.
I drink lots of coffee, and that has water in it, so I’m not completely dehydrating myself. And who thinks it’s a good idea to have to deal with all these empty plastic bottles we’re leaving behind? I’ll tell you who? Big Water.
Thirty years ago, you would have thought the idea of selling plastic bottles of water would be an insane business decision, doomed to quickly fail. Big Water found a way.
In my own world, when I’m offered a bottle, I often respond, “I don’t trust Big Water.” I must have said it around the wrong person, because Big Water had it in for me.
I’m recovering as we speak from what I consider to be a direct attack from Big Water. I spent two weeks traveling between my recliner and another important room in my house fighting off a parasite, cryptosporidium, which most likely attacks through drinking water. Health officials worked to find a direct link as to where it came from, but it’s a mystery. I told them I thought it was a direct attack from Big Water.
I had a vague memory of cryptosporidium, as I lived outside of Milwaukee in the 1990s when the city’s water system was contaminated with it. Hundreds got sick and many people died. By the time tests results finally uncovered this monster lurking within me, I was actually relieved. I will tell you, however, that if I wasn’t just an isolate case, we’d be in trouble. The drug that treats it is extremely hard to find. When it was backordered, my wife-turned-nurse scoured pharmacies in two states and found just two doses.
I now know the absolute power Big Water wields. Fill your jugs folks, drink until you’re about to explode. You won’t get any criticism from me. Water is only $3.50 for two 16-ounce bottles. What a deal! Buy it now. Scrunch that bottle when you’re done and get that in the landfill.
Big Water has silenced me for now, so you won’t get any criticism here.